My first baby, Addison Christine

I was 20 years old when our first daughter was born. Having grown up with a mother who was a birthing coach and a childbirth educator, as well as a home birther had given me a wonderful backround and shaped my ideas of how birth was supposed to work. I had known from the time I got married that when the time came I would give birth naturally, out of hospital and I was going to allow my body to work the way it was created. To birth my child.
I had every faith that I would be successful! I saw a wonderful midwife for my prentatal care, and she helped me to acheive a healthy, low risk pregnancy in preparation for my birth. I beleive that if you give your body the tools it needs to create a healthy baby and pregnancy, that you can also trust it to deliver this baby with an innate wisdom that you cannot even comprehend. This mindset has never faltered and has helped to carry me through my wonderful birth experiences.
Addison was the first. Here is her story.

My husband Jay and I had been given two different due dates, April 5th, 2006, ( I was due 04/05/06) and then after our 19 week anatomy scan ultrasound, they moved it to April 12th. The gender of our baby was a surprise, so by the timeI reached the end of my pregnancy, I was getting very impatient for our baby to arrive! I just could not wait to find out who had been kicking around inside of me all these months!
Once my first date had passed with my exam showing a firm closed cervix, my midwife Judi gave me some homeopathic pills to help speed my cervix ripening along. I was having small contractions daily throughout the last week before the birth and I was always hoping that one of them would finally hurt so I would know that it was really going to happen! After several days of "is this it?" I decided to just ignore the contractions until they got uncomfortable so I would not get my hopes up and overreact.

My dad had to leave Wednesday afternoon for work in the north Slope oil feilds and he was not scheduled to get back until the end of May. It was very important to me that he be here for the birth of his first grandchild and get to at least meet him or her before he left. I was beginning to get impatient. Monday the 10th of April I had been awake all night and my husband decided to stay home with me. We spent all day walking and having sex and doing other activities hoping to get labor rolling. I had good strong contractions 5 to 15 minutes apart all day long, especially while walking but when I would rest they would slow to a stop. I was very disappointed to find that they completely stopped when I laid down for the night. I had not one contraction all night long. I was beginning to think labor would never happen.

Early labor begins

Tuesday morning I woke up at 5:00 A.M. I got up and moved around and slowly I started having some contractions!! I sat down for a while and they kept going even when I was resting, but still nothing more than the contractions I had been having all week. I was discouraged.

About 10:00 A.M they were right at 5 minutes apart. I timed them for an hour, not daring to believe that this was the real thing. I took a shower and just before noon my aunt called me. She asked if I was having a baby today, and I told her
“I hope so, but we’ll see!”
She asked me to go to lunch with her and I thought that would be a good plan to keep my mind off of things. My contractions were a steady five minutes apart all afternoon like clockwork, but they never seemed to get more intense. There was lots of pressure, but no pain at all. I was cheerful to find a large bloody mucous blob on my toilet paper at one point when I used the bathroom at the restaurant. I kept thinking how funny it was that I was probably in labor, and nobody around me could tell.

Jay and I spent the rest of the afternoon driving around looking at houses and then stopped at WalMart to buy two little Easter outfits for that Sunday. We bought a girl and a boy outfit, and kept the receipt. When we left there at 4:30 I was getting a little discouraged and worried that the contractions were just going to stop again that evening. I decided to call the Midwife for a second opinion.
The midwife on call (I think it was Jessica) asked me if I had rested at all that day.
"No! I've been walking walking walking non stop, trying to get these things to hurt!" I reported.
She told me to go home and take a nap. She assured me that if this was real labor they would get stronger with some rest, but if not they would stop. We went home and made some bean and bacon soup and toast and I laid down for a nap.

I fell asleep about 6:30 only to be awakened by some serious contractions within the hour! I had to close my eyes and concentrate thought them, and they finally hurt a little! They were about a minute long and only 3.5 to 4 minutes apart. When Jay tried to rub my back right at the peak of a contraction and I told him not to touch me, he promptly went downstairs and called Judi. She told us to come on over! We got to the Birthing Center about 8:30 P.M. Tuesday, April 11th.

Active Labor

My midwife Judi greeted us at the center, and we proceeded with an exam. Judi checked me and I was barely 3 cm. dilated. The contractions were still very manageable but she took one look at me, touched the furrow between my eyes and told me I needed to relax! I didn’t even realize I was tense between contractions. She told us to bring in our gear... this was really going to happen!
A couple had just gone home after their birth that afternoon, and the tub was being sanitized, so I sat in the waiting room in the huge overstuffed chair while Jay brought in our things from the car.
I vividly remember a birthing video was on the T.V. and it began to sink in that this was the real thing. I was going to hold my own baby in just a few hours. I was going to be a mother. It was a little overwhelming and I sat and watched the babies on the screen come in to the world and I cried away all my tension.
When my room was ready, I went up and sat in the Jacuzzi tub for a while and my second midwife Kristine helped me time my contractions as I got into the rhythm of things.
There in the tub I learned how to effectively relax through my contractions, to let go of my tension, to release into the pain, to allow my body to work with it. I began to go into my labor trance, and time began to blur as I went inside of myself and began to get down to business. As my labor got stronger, I remember saying “Ok little baby, I was just joking! You don’t have to come out today. Are you sure you don’t want to wait til tomorrow?” My mom arrived after her Arbonne meeting and by that time I was out of the tub and into the shower. It was probably about 10:00 pm.

For the next few hours I switched between the birthing ball, the toilet, the shower and the floor. I liked laboring in the shower and I held on to the handrails and did “Hula” dancing…. Just rotating my hips in circles to help the baby come down faster with the warm water streaming on my back. At some point they checked me and I was just shy of 5 cm. dilated. I remember thinking that it was taking a long time.
It seemed like every time I changed positions I would have three contractions on top of each other with no break, so I tried to stay in one spot as long as possible. Judi had delivered three other babies in the 48 hours before my birth, and had hardly slept, so she left me in the care of Kristine and went to take a nap around 1:00 AM. I had been laboring now close to five hours.

On the way out she told me " We should have a baby in time to still get breakfast in the morning"... I looked at her like WHAT!??!? I have HOW many hours of this left?? Needless to say, those were NOT the encouraging words I wanted to hear! They kind of made me angry, in my laboring state. I was determined I would prove her wrong and have my baby a lot faster than she expected! I remember feeling soooo insulted! That's a cranky laboring woman for ya though.

By this time I was in very active labor, just coping with the contractions. I was very tired since I had been up since 5 that morning and had only about an hour’s rest all day. I knelt by the bed and remember just wanting to sleep.
During contractions, I found it best to close my eyes and concentrate on relaxing as the contraction started. At the peak of contractions, I felt it neccessary to deal with all the excess sensation by making a low "Oooooo" sound with every outgoing breath. I'm pretty sure I sounded like a cow mooing.This also gave me something to focus on, the sound of my own voice, and it kept me centered amidst the wild sensations having their way in my body. I envisioned my breath flowing out through my pelvis and pictured all sorts of things; flowers opening, the baby’s head pressing down and I made my body release into the pain instead of pulling away from it. This took ALL my willpower and concentration as labor progressed. The mind over matter mindset it took to stay in control was the hardest part of labor.

I spent most of my labor totally internalized and focused so I have little memory of what all was going on around me. I laid down on the bed for a while and tried to get some sleep between contractions. Jay and my mom rubbed my feet and that actually provided a lot of relief.

I didn’t get to stay there too long because Kristine checked me and there was a lot of progress! She decided it was time to go wake up Judi. I was surprised how fast I went from not even 5 cm. to almost 8! I got up from the bed to get in the Jacuzzi, but dropped to my knees as a HARD contraction hit me. I was so tired and I remember saying
“ I don’t want to do this anymore! I just want to sleep!”
Truthfully, I just wanted to cry. My mom saw I was about to lose it and she knelt down beside me next to the bed.
“You can’t cry now." she whispered, rubbing my back. "You have to do this. It's got to be done. Judi is about to come in here and you don’t want her to see you crying.”

“Judi can bite me!” was my reply. It was probably around 2:30 AM and I was starting my transition.
I got into the tub and to my surprise it was not long at all before I HAD to push. Kristine had me try to blow through the contractions and the urges but when you really have to push, there’s just not anything you can do about it! She checked me again and found that my membranes were bulging through my cervix into my vagina even though I wasn’t totally dilated yet. That was causing the premature urge to push, but it was still quite painful when I tried. She asked if I wanted her to break my water, but I wasn’t really coherent enough to decide whether I wanted to risk any harder contractions, even if it did make the baby come faster. So I declined.

I tried my best not to push then , and I found with some large raspberry blowings (like horsey noises) to direct the pressure elsewhere, I got through the next few contractions.

I was surprised to read, two years later, that Ina May Gaskin reccommends blowing raspberries to help fully relax a tight cervix! I had done it totally instinctually, all on my own. And it was remarkably effective.

The Birth

Judi arrived then, looking very chipper after her short nap. She was also surprised how fast I had progressed. My cervix was a little thick still on the right side, so they had me roll to the right to put more pressure on that side. A few minutes later with the next contraction, Judi told me there was just a tiny lip left and if she held it out of the way I could go ahead and push! I couldn’t believe it was almost over!

She tried her best to inform me that I still had a ways to go, and tried to prepare me for an hour or maybe even two left of pushing, which is normal for a first time mother, but I didn't buy it. My mom had all of her babies in three or four pushes. I beleived I would as well.

Once I could really push things happened very fast. After one good push, Judi said
“ Well, it has hair!” I was so excited I almost cried with releif!
At this point I really snapped out of my internalized mode as my labor slowed and gave me a good rest between pushes. It felt all at once relieving yet overwhelming to push, nothing like the pinch of contractions. The urge was absolutely unstoppable, pushing without my concious effort or consent. Such an incredible force, like a freight train through my body.

I remember asking Jay if he had called his parents. They were in the waiting room, as was my dad, my little brother and my sister Danielle and her boyfriend Jeremy. My sister Rosanna was taking pictures and video for us. They all came in just inside the door and waited quietly where I couldn’t see them. It only took about three contractions for her head to crown. At this point my water finally broke! We were beginning to wonder if the baby was going to be born in the sack.

The room was dimly lit and there were candles around the Jacuzzi tub. My mom was kneeling on the floor behind me and lending her support while Judi and Jay were down at the receiving end of things. Rosanna was taking video.
Judi told me to put my hand on the baby’s head so I would know how much to push. It was so surreal feeling that little patch of wrinkly skin and hair bulging out of me. It was incredible finally being able to touch my baby! Judi handed Jay a washcloth and had him press it onto my rectal area to help guide the baby's head upwards out my vagina, so it would not tear through my perineum. This rectal counterpressure was incredibly releiving, and helped to reduce the irrational feeling that I was going to split in half as I pushed. I made him keep his hand there, even between contractions.
I felt like I was trying to poop a grapefruit and I remember thinking how impossible it seemed that a whole baby was really going to fit out of my body!
My sister Danielle and my mother in law walked toward the tub with the next contraction so they could see as the head crowned up to the ears. Then my last contraction came and Judi said

“ OK Daddy, get your hands down here! The head’s out.” and in the same instant the whole body slipped into the water. Jay lifted our little baby out of the water and straight onto my chest at 3:59 AM April 12, 2006...
(WELL before breakfast, thank you very much! My labor was only 7 1/2 hours from the time we arrived at the birthing center) I absolutely squealed out loud with delight as I finally held my slippery little baby in my arms.

It's a GIRL! And celebration ensues

Jay took a quick peek between the legs and proudly announced his findings “It’s a girl!” I was SO excited! She began to wail and I started to laugh. There was an immediate change in the room from quiet anticipation to complete celebration! Everyone was talking and laughing at once, Addison was crying, and I was in some crazy state of euphoria. I felt like I could jump up and run around the room. I scooted around to the other side of the tub so I was facing the visitors (I had a swimsuit top on. No worries, I was modest.) and so Jay could see her better.

Everyone came to look at her and I laid her back so just her face was out of the water to keep her warm. She was so pink and vigorous and full of life, just looking around in wonder at her new surroundings. We stayed in the tub for about 20 minutes until my placenta came out, just talking and getting to know our new baby girl.

The Recovery

Then Jay cut the cord and took her from me so I could get up and into my nightgown. Everyone went out to give us some privacy and we weighed and measured Addison. She was 8lb. 3oz, 21 inches long. Judi and Kristine helped me up into bed where they checked to make sure there were no tears or undue amounts of bleeding, which there were not. I had birthed my 8lb 3oz baby girl over an intact perineum! No stitches in my lady business was definitely a plus.

My mom called my Grandma and Grandpa as well as my Aunt Sarah (who I had been to lunch with earlier in the day) and they came right over at 5:00 in the morning. I nursed Addison and then passed her around so she could meet all the family who had waited so anxiously for her to arrive. All the excitement died down around 6:30 and everyone went home to get some rest. They left Jay and I and our new baby curled up in bed. We slept for several hours, then I got up and had shower. We got our things together and after the midwives checked on us one more time to make sure everyone was doing well, we were told we could take our daughter home as soon as we felt ready. We drove home around noon April 12th.

We spent the rest of the day laying around the house and more family came over to meet Addie. My sister Rosanna and my friend Marjie made us omelets for dinner that evening and Addie and I napped on the couch off and on during the day. Everyone went home and left us alone as a family after dinner and we went to bed around 9:30. I remember laying next to Jay in our own cozy bed with Addison nestled between us. He was just looking at us, and a little tear started down his cheek. "Thankyou" He said, and he kissed me. It was the perfect ending to the most wonderful day of my life.

My reflections
Addison's birth was such a beautiful and positive start to my career as a mother! In 7 1/2 hours, it took me on a journey from an uncertain 20 year old to a confident, trusting, totally empowered mother. It taught me that I am capable of so much more than I ever dreamed, and granted me a new respect, trust and awe for my body, and myself as a person. It showed me the possibilities that are inside of me, and put me in touch with my intuition and instincts as a woman in a way that nothing else could. It was a primal, intimate, gentle, loving atmosphere; everything a baby should experience in her first moments on the earth. I am so thankful that I was able to experience it the way I did. I was granted dignity, respect and support during my labor and birth, and allowed the freedom to listen to my body, express myself and not only participate, but truly own my child's birth. Nothing can compare to it. I cannot help but feel that birth, as nature intended, is one of the most incredible processes on the earth, and I look forward to doing it again.

Her birth video is here http://www.baby-gaga.com/outbound.php?post_id=16424560&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.vimeo.com%2F6392854